February 2008
10 posts
chelsea burns
I want a dirty weekend with her in Cabo where there are no rules. There’s no way I could maintain an erection in the Green Zone. Nothing sexy takes place in the Green Zone. It’s like an e. e. cummings poem. I space enter. You know what I mean? Like e. e. cummings interspaced with an s.o.s. message. I don’t understand your ludicrous crush on Chelsea Clinton. I feel like...
three-ring 6i
A: I’m not going to get you the clown anymore. I’m afraid he’ll get hurt. B: I think the clown can handle himself. Clowns are people, too. A: No, they’re not people. They don’t have rights. B: There’s no universal clowns’ suffrage? A: No clowns’ Bill of Rights. [Later] A: If this were the 1910’s, we could have a salon about anything. Like...
Planet 6i
B: Did you hear about the mini solar system? G: Is it in the apartment?
When I think of clowns
I think of Damon Wayans. —B
B's Birthday
It’s on March 1st at our apartment, starting around. But there’s a secret: if you show up at 6, you may or may not get to take part in a sociological experiment: the interaction of a performing clown and a stripper. Discuss.
B: Are you wearing girl pants? I can tell! G: They snug my package. B: I wasn’t looking there. G: It’s like my testicles are held in a panda paw.
“We’ve been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.. ...”
– Barack Obama in Nashua, the moment he won devotion from me - A
“You don’t pay a hooker to sleep with her. You pay her to go home.”
– A rich lonely guy
I did not buy porn
Lately, my virile roommates have made fun of me for my near-pornographic French fashion magazine on the coffee table. It’s called Purple, and it is very hip. There is a man wearing super-low rise black leather pants on the cover. I don’t know if the image was photoshopped or what, but we are all wondering whether he has a penis. There is also an involved photo of a woman touching...
January 2008
2 posts
2 tags
getting mellow
My hippie friends suggested I take up yoga. I was skeptical, since I’d read enough articles in Sunday Styles and met enough weird ladies to know what I was getting into, but after the first class, I came home and told my virile roommates, “This is awesome. I feel great!” I was converted, sold. Re-charged. Whatever! I need a vacation. These quasi-nudist hot springs look fun....
3 tags
